Hey Google Tell Me a Funny Joke

80+ Funny Jokes to Start Your Day With a Smile

Whether you're celebrating April Fool's Day or National Tell a Joke Day (August 16), you're going to love this cheesy collection of puns and one-liners—no kidding!

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ham sandwich Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer, bartender says "sorry, we don't serve food here."

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clydesdale Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse.

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alligator detective Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What do you call an alligator detective? An investi-gator.

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scarecrow award Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

Tickle your funny bone with the best Reader's Digest jokes of all time.

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talking muffin Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

There are two muffins baking in the oven. One muffin says to the other, "Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?" The other muffin says, "AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!"

These work-friendly jokes are safe for sharing at the office.

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soccer match Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.

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broken pencil Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil? Because it's pointless.

Don't think that's the funniest joke ever? These are the funniest one-liners on the Internet.

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bird flu swine flu Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What's the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu? One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment.

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foul play Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

After a crime, a detective noted that he thought it was foul play. The other detective said, "You mean, he was playing with birds?"

Don't miss thesefunny examples of irony in real life.

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brown and sticky Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What's brown and sticky? A stick.

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policeman Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What did the policeman say to his bellybutton? You're under a vest.

Having trouble crafting the perfect message for a birthday card? Try thesefunny birthday jokes!

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break a leg Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

Why do people say "break a leg" when you go on stage? Because every play has a cast.

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karate pig Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.

These hilariousgolf jokes are better than a hole in one.

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ghost hearing Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What kind of ghost has the best hearing? The eeriest.

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cemetery gates Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

Why are there gates around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in.

Get ready for morewitty bar jokes anyone can remember.

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seagulls Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.

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computers overheat Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

When do computers overheat? When they need to vent.

Do you celebrate "Pi Day" on March 14? Chances are, you'll love these corny math jokes.

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music planets Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

Where can you buy chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

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rabbits travel Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

How do rabbits travel? By hareplanes.

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vampire sick Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

How do you tell if a vampire is sick? By how much he is coffin.

Check out our all-timefunniest work jokes.

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cow two legs Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!

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fake spaghetti Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What do you call fake spaghetti? An im-pasta.

These hilariousDIY jokes will bring down the house!

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yoga landlord Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What did the yoga instructor say when her landlord tried to evict her? Namaste.

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charging bull Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.

Toasting a bride and groom in the near future? Thesejokes about marriage are perfect for a wedding.

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mushroom party Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fungi.

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farmer award Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

Why did the farmer win an award? He was outstanding in his field.

Thesefunny work cartoons were made for sharing at the office.

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birds stick together Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What do you call birds that stick together? Vel-crows.

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sea monsters eat Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships.

Don't miss these side-splitting jokes about lawyers.

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nose 12 inches Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.

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ocean shore Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing…It just waved.

Don't miss the best Canadian jokes ever!

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tomato race Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race? Ketchup.

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golfer pants Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.

Looking for more laughs? These funny yearbook quotes are guaranteed to crack you up.

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factory good products Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What do you call a factory that sells good products? A satisfactory.

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barber race Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut.

Don't miss our rollicking roundup of the funniest quotes of all time.

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cows like to read Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What do cows most like to read? Cattle-logs.

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chicken coop Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? If it had four doors it would be called a chicken sedan.

Need to defuse an awkward situation? These funny phrases could definitely come in handy.

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sleeping dinosaur Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino-snore.

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pile of cats Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain.

Thesefunny animal pictures are sure to crack you up!

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four wheels Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.

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poker jungle Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

Have you heard about the corduroy pillow? No? Really? It's making headlines!

These hilarious dog puns will give you paws.

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drop a piano Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor.

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duck lipstick Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

How does a duck buy lipstick? She just puts it on her bill.

Don't miss thesehilarious dog cartoons.

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frogs happy Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

Why are frogs are so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.

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one hat Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What did one hat say to the other? You stay here. I'll go on ahead.

Keep thesefunny holiday jokes in mind for your next Christmas party!

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sick boat Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com/Shutterstock

What do you do with a sick boat? Take is to the doc already.

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Funny jokes to tell - why did the picture go to jail? NICOLE FORNABAIO/RD.COM

Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.

Thesehilarious tweets are guaranteed to make you grin!

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Funny jokes to tell - what runs but never goes anywhere? NICOLE FORNABAIO/RD.COM

What runs but never goes anywhere? A refrigerator.

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Funny jokes to tell - what do horses say when they fall? NICOLE FORNABAIO/RD.COM

What do horses say when they fall? Help, I've fallen and I can't giddy up.

Don't miss these perfectly-timed photos offunny farm animals.

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Funny jokes to tell - an apple a day keeps the doctor away NICOLE FORNABAIO/RD.COM

An apple a day really can keep the doctor away … but only if you aim it well.

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Funny jokes to tell - duck doctors NICOLE FORNABAIO/RD.COM

Why can't you trust duck doctors? They're all quacks.

Impress a history buff with thesehilarious history jokes.

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Funny jokes to tell - why did the robber jump in the shower NICOLE FORNABAIO/RD.COM

Why did the robber jump in the shower? He wanted to make a clean getaway.

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Funny jokes to tell - what did the elevator say when it sneezed? NICOLE FORNABAIO/RD.COM

What did the elevator say when it sneezed? I think I'm coming down with something.

Everyone can relate to thesefunny tweets about technology.

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Funny jokes to tell - what do you call shoes made of banana peels? NICOLE FORNABAIO/RD.COM

What do you call shoes made of banana peels? Slippers.

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Funny jokes to tell - why did the bicycle collapse NICOLE FORNABAIO/RD.COM

Why did the bicycle collapse? It was two tired.

Does your workplace tend to be a little tense? Here are some funnyjokes to defuse an awkward situation.

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Funny jokes to tell - what do you call a bear with no teeth? NICOLE FORNABAIO/RD.COM

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

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Funny jokes to tell - why did the restaurant hire a pig? NICOLE FORNABAIO/RD.COM

Why did the restaurant hire a pig? He was good at bacon.

These funny Google searches will make you wonder who's asking these questions, anyway!

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Funny jokes to tell - vicious cycle NICOLE FORNABAIO/RD.COM

Did you hear about the man who got hit by the same bike every morning? It was a vicious cycle.

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Funny jokes to tell - what does corn say when you give it a compliment? NICOLE FORNABAIO/RD.COM

What does corn say when you give it a compliment? Aw shucks!

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Funny jokes to tell - why were the fish's grades so bad? NICOLE FORNABAIO/RD.COM

Why were the fish's grades so bad? It was below sea level.

Don't miss thesephysics jokes that every science nerd will love.

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Funny jokes to tell - why wouldn't the sesame seed leave the casino? NICOLE FORNABAIO/RD.COM

Why wouldn't the sesame seed leave the casino? He was on a roll.

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Funny jokes to tell - what kind of shoes do burglars wear? NICOLE FORNABAIO/RD.COM

What kind of shoes do burglars wear? Sneakers.

Check out the funniest Disney jokes of all time.

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Funny jokes to tell - why don't melons get married? NICOLE FORNABAIO/RD.COM

Why don't melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.

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Funny jokes to tell - why don't eggs tell jokes? NICOLE FORNABAIO/RD.COM

Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up.

Thesefunny tweets about food are sure to make you smile.

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Corny jokes - restaurant on the moon NICOLE FORNABAIO/RD.COM

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

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Corny jokes - never buy anything with velcro NICOLE FORNABAIO/RD.COM

Never buy anything with Velcro. It's a total rip-off.

Don't miss theseclever grammar jokes every word nerd will appreciate.

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Corny jokes - invisible man NICOLE FORNABAIO/RD.COM

Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it.

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Corny jokes - what do lawyers wear to work? NICOLE FORNABAIO/RD.COM

What do lawyers wear to work? Lawsuits.

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Corny jokes - when is a door not a door NICOLE FORNABAIO/RD.COM

When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.

Want to turn someone's frown upside down? Try giving them one of thesefunny compliments!

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Corny jokes - a termite walks into a bar NICOLE FORNABAIO/RD.COM

A termite walks into the bar and asks , "Is  the bar tender here?"

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Corny jokes - broken arm NICOLE FORNABAIO/RD.COM

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.

Here are morefunny doctor jokes.

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Corny jokes - burn 1000 calories NICOLE FORNABAIO/RD.COM

What's the best way to burn 1000 calories? Leave the pizza in the oven.

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Corny jokes - why are the Irish so wealthy? NICOLE FORNABAIO/RD.COM

Why are the Irish so wealthy? Because their capital is always Dublin.

If you liked that joke, you'll get a kick out of thesehilarious thesaurus mistakes.

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Corny jokes - what has more lives than a cat? NICOLE FORNABAIO/RD.COM

What has more lives than a cat? A frog, because it croaks every night.

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Corny jokes - it's not hard to meet expenses NICOLE FORNABAIO/RD.COM

It's not hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.

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Corny jokes - all those who believe in psychokinesis NICOLE FORNABAIO/RD.COM

All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my right hand.

You won't believe thesefunny classified ads actually ran!

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Corny jokes - if a parsley farmer is sued NICOLE FORNABAIO/RD.COM

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Check out 75 short jokes anyone can remember!

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Corny jokes - this is my step ladder NICOLE FORNABAIO/RD.COM

This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.

Next, check out 25 knock-knock jokes that are genuinely funny!

Reader's Digest

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Source: https://www.readersdigest.ca/culture/funny-jokes-national-tell-joke-day/

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